i hate that i’m easily swayed by mikey’s actions. i see him everyday so its hard not to think about it. its even harder now that he broke up with his girlfriend and is now all up on my grill. ergh. hold my hand why don’t you. put your face 1 inch away from mine why don’t you. stressed out man.
i don’t know what to do. mikey is free, oppa is free, my heart is meddled with once, twice, rinse, repeat, end. what am i supposed to do in this predicament? i like oppa, i can’t help but like mikey as well. mikey’s always there to make me laugh. oppa is there to make me smilee even when i force myself not to. i don’t wanna compare them both. they’re both incomparable. i hate that i’m easily swayed, the closest one gets the upper hand. close as in any way possible. mikey’s there everyday. i miss oppa.
today he stole my identity. my identity as in SSN as today we had to fill out our AP packets. lord knows that i’m completely unprepared to take such a test. anyways, my identity was printed on a bright neon yellow paper and he takes it from me and i grab his belt. he’s taken aback and i reach for my SSN again. i grab his hand, he holds onto it and doesn’t let go..
ergh, i like being w/ both guys. i like that i can insult mikey and he can insult me back. i like how i can tell anything to oppa, and hopefully he’s telling everything to me. with mikey i can do whatever, act however. with oppa i’m still a bit apprehensive and carefully walking on eggshells. i don’t like labeling my pros and cons in front of me. but it must be done as i have to remember and publish my thoughts as soon as they come.
i never saw my mother so happy she cried. today my cousin (Father Roselle) from Canada gave her flowers for her 50th birthday. all the way from canada mind you! and my dad could only scrape up 2 cards, no flowers, no chocolates, no spa day, no anything. my mom’s been telling me it’s been the same way all these years. hopefully i marry a sweet guy one day and i’ll extremely appreciate every little thing he does. ah, so sweet.
my mother deserves having all the happiness the world has got to offer. although i disagree with her a lot, i still love my mom.
oh lordy, talking about my future with oppa is a bit daunting. i don’t know how to feel about this. scared? happy? excited? i’m just in a large pool of uncertainty, walking upon eggshells, making it through day to day. i really want to have something more with him. something more than an average high school couple. although we may not be a couple.. i don’t know. just talking about our summer plans together is scary. i like him. but i’m not sure why. i just love to question myself, become skeptical about things, worry, and prepare for the worst. sweet pessimism.
i like floating on cloud nine. i don’t ever want to have to come back down ever again.
古波蔵 says: (10:34:49 PM)
you should of went public school
古波蔵 says: (10:34:51 PM)
with me =]
`pauulaaaaaaaaaa says: (10:34:55 PM)
lol
`pauulaaaaaaaaaa says: (10:35:01 PM)
too late you’re leaving
古波蔵 says: (10:35:37 PM)
=[ i know
古波蔵 says: (10:35:44 PM)
its okay ill be driving soon
古波蔵 says: (10:35:54 PM)
so ill just go to your house when i miss you =]
`pauulaaaaaaaaaa says: (10:36:06 PM)
does that mean everyday? (: hahah
`pauulaaaaaaaaaa says: (10:36:10 PM)
jkjk gas is expensive
古波蔵 says: (10:36:55 PM)
ahah =] if you want
古波蔵 says: (10:37:02 PM)
if oyu have the time next year
`pauulaaaaaaaaaa says: (10:37:10 PM)
i will
古波蔵 says: (10:37:13 PM)
im going to cerritos college and your like 10 minutes away =]
`pauulaaaaaaaaaa says: (10:37:20 PM)
i might take japanese at cerritos college at night tho
古波蔵 says: (10:37:28 PM)
i have night classes too
–cut–
`pauulaaaaaaaaaa says: (10:40:27 PM)
you’re taking summer classes?
`pauulaaaaaaaaaa says: (10:40:55 PM)
everyday or a couple of times a week?
古波蔵 says: (10:41:05 PM)
everyday
古波蔵 says: (10:41:13 PM)
except for friday saturday sunday
古波蔵 says: (10:41:24 PM)
from 6-3 and 4-7
古波蔵 says: (10:41:26 PM)
=[
`pauulaaaaaaaaaa says: (10:41:54 PM)
wow
`pauulaaaaaaaaaa says: (10:42:03 PM)
lol i'll visit you in between
`pauulaaaaaaaaaa says: (10:42:08 PM)
or after
古波蔵 says: (10:42:41 PM)
haha how bout both =]
`pauulaaaaaaaaaa says: (10:42:45 PM)
ahahhaa
`pauulaaaaaaaaaa says: (10:43:03 PM)
iono i think i might work depending
`pauulaaaaaaaaaa says: (10:43:12 PM)
on stuff
古波蔵 says: (10:43:22 PM)
aww
古波蔵 says: (10:43:31 PM)
well i visit you then =] if you work
he’s a sweet idealist. i need someone to combat my realism. sometimes i need to leave earth for a bit and see what it’s like over my wall
